Luke Groundwalker

There are many problems with Halcyon's harangues. The one that's the most blatant, and the one that I will limit my discussion to, is related to his overt support of teetotalism. Here's my side of the story: It's indisputably a tragedy that Halcyon's goal in life is apparently to pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of an uppity coterie of antinomianism. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that this is a free country, and I suspect we ought to keep it that way.

Halcyon is frightened that we might acquire the input of a representative cross-section of the community in a non-threatening, inclusive environment. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with Halcyon and his zealots, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that I am weary of listening to Halcyon descant on the glories of plagiarism. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to wake people out of their stupor and call on them to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even onanism, I must explain to the population at large that I cannot conceive of any circumstance under which Halcyon's bromides could be considered appropriate. And that's why I'm writing this letter; this is my manifesto, if you will, on how to address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Halcyon because they saw no other options for change. There's no way I can do that alone, and there's no way I can do it without first stating that we are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which hypocritical goof-offs like Halcyon are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of sesquipedalianism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? Whatever the answer, any rational argument must acknowledge this. Halcyon's vengeful precepts, naturally, do not.

Halcyon should just quit whining about everything. To cap that off, Halcyon never tires of trying to extinguish fires with gasoline. He presumably hopes that the magic formula will work some day. In the meantime, he seems to have resolved to learn nothing from experience, which tells us that the key to his soul is his longing for the effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. Halcyon dreads the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, I want you to know that to the fullest extent that my own age and health will permit, I will expose all of his filthy, subversive, and destructive activities. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle. What remains is to hold Halcyon responsible for the hatred he so furtively expresses.

It's likely that some day Halcyon will revile everything in the most obscene terms and drag it into the filth of the basest possible outlook if we don't stop him now. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that if Halcyon can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that he commands an army of robots that live in the hollow center of the earth and produce earthquakes whenever they feel like shaking things up a bit on the surface, I will personally deliver his Nobel Prize for Insensate Rhetoric. In the meantime, it may seem difficult at first to spread awareness of the ill-natured nature of Halcyon's obiter dicta. It is. But Halcyon doesn't care about freedom, as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to him.

According to Halcyon, most people believe that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately insensitive. Really? Does Halcyon have some sort of mind-reading ability or did he get his information from a less reliable source? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: If Halcyon honestly believes that some of my points are not valid, I would love to get some specific feedback from him. If we let him sow the seeds of prætorianism we'll be reaping the crop for quite a long time. Note that the foregoing does not pretend to be an accurate description of all people who might be considered eccentric practitioners of alarmism. It is only a rough indication of some of Halcyon's general tendencies.

This in mind, I would like to carry out this matter to the full extent of the law. It's best to ignore most of the quotes that Halcyon so frequently cites. He takes quotes of of context; uses misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and, presents quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, my general thesis is that Halcyon really shouldn't flout all of society's rules. That's just plain common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate his communications are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: It would be good for the press to start paying attention to things like this. As an interesting experiment, try to point this out to Halcyon. (You might want to don safety equipment first.) I think you'll find that as long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, his bootlickers don't really care that if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem.

Halcyon may come to represent the most insidious corruption of ideals yet. History offers innumerable examples for the truth of this assertion. Sometimes it seems unruly, indelicate yobbos are like a farmer who, in the spring, would work the ground, plant seeds, fertilize, and cultivate the ground for a period of time. And then, perhaps, he decides to go off to Hawaii and have a good time and forget the reason he planted the crop in the first place. Well, a farmer wouldn't do that. But Halcyon would enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of his lieutenants to live in an environment that can, at best, be described as contemptuously tolerant if he got the chance.

Of course, there is a lot of debate on this subject but the best scholars believe that in Halcyon's ipse dixits, Maoism is witting and unremitting, poxy and fickle. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to defile the air and water in the name of profit. Halcyon can't possibly believe that I'm too gin-swilling to provide a positive, confident, and assertive vision of humanity's future and our role in it. He's randy but he's not that randy. Most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions. Whenever Halcyon announces that you and I are inferior to sententious liars and cheats, his dupes applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that in order to solve the big problems with Halcyon we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must show him how he is as wrong as wrong can be.

I am more than merely surprised by Halcyon's willingness to discredit and intimidate the opposition. I'm shocked, shocked. And, as if that weren't enough, Halcyon's grunts all look like Halcyon, think like Halcyon, act like Halcyon, and undermine liberty in the name of liberty, just like Halcyon does. And all this in the name of -- let me see if I can get their propaganda straight -- brotherhood and service. Ha!

Imagine people everywhere embracing Halcyon's claim that the world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel. The idea defies the imagination. Halcyon has repeatedly been spotted making my blood curdle. When questioned about that, he either denies any knowledge of it or offers unbelievable and ludicrous explanations that only a disagreeable enemy of the people could believe. I recently read a book confirming what I've been saying for years, that his grievances are designed to create massive civil unrest. And they're working; they're having the desired effect. Lastly, no one who is seriously interested in art, culture, or politics expects to learn anything from Halcyon.

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Manic

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RandomPenguin

wtf was all that written within a few minutes seriously dude ionly read the first sentance and thought serious fail...

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Luke Groundwalker

Naw it took me 45 minutes.

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Halcyon

Anime & Manga Forums.

Manic

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Luke Groundwalker

Yes I wasted 45 minutes on something that'll have no "impactt" whatsoever.

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Halcyon

Manic

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Luke Groundwalker

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Manic

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Halcyon

It seemed easier to just make a mock-up to mock instead of Googling a generator and uploading an image of Voltron from your signature.

Luke Groundwalker

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Halcyon

The fact that something could be easier doesn't change the fact it is still easy. Just because there is a person who may a bigger jackass than you doesn't mean that you aren't a jackass.

I took a poll; it's unanimous.

Manic

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