Kurushimi

Hmm, I'm in the mood for an insult. Take your best shot.

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The worst part is when sidewalk cracks are out-of-sync with your natural stride.
~ xkcd

GENERATION 4: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Ace

Ooh, insult your being... as opposed to insulting what, your looks? Cause if your profile pic is any indication, you are one ugly and scary-looking sob. Your current title is almost right: it should be "(27) Lord Enema." (who came up with those titles anyway? oh... yeah...). Between your happy-purple text, that cutesy cartoon dog in your avatar, your earlier question about my being in the porn industry, and your blog post about your hot, hot cousin (damn you for not posting any pics), I'm convinced that you're a psychopath. Probably a serial killer. I definitely smell some skeletons.


You've been on MFG forever, and your posts are usually up-beat and on-topic. You are well-respected by members and by me, and you bring a great vibe to the forum. You are clearly bright, and I bet you will do very well in life.

Ace

I understand that you're "friends" with a penguin. That's just sick. I mean what do you do together? Poke your beak here, let him poke his beak there? Then that alias "Mr R"... Is that like "Mister Rogers", that squeaky pedophile guy on TV? I keep thinking "Mr Ed" 'cause I'm sure you really "like" horses, but it doesn't fit the damn initials. Or maybe it's supposed to be a kitty sound, like "mrrrr". I bet you like cats, too. Animals are probably the only way to stay warm up in the polar region where you live. Girls just don't have enough fur. Well, except the good ones, but then the noise would be more like "yummm".

Ace

Is that "whoa" as in "stop you jerk" or "whoa" as in "oooh, I want more"? If the latter, we might have to move this to PMs to avoid scaring people.

Excellent! Then this thread has achieved its true purpose.

My advice: seduction is all about the give-and-take. Keeping in mind that we're thousands of miles apart and that we will never be able to see each other in real life, offer me something to peak my interest; maybe provide a small sample or teaser. Use what I told you that I liked about you. Then give me a complement (most guys will light up like the 4th of July with even the most mild compliment; I'm not quite that easy. Well, actually I am. Shit.). The main trick with compliments is that they have to be true. It's like penis size: better true and small than false and big. False compliments (and actually lies in general) are one of the quickest ways to lose a guy (it amazes me that so many girls don't seem to know that). Then try to close the deal: tell me what you want in return. Start small, and work your way up. Then I repeat the same process back to you until an agreement is reached or you slap my (virtual) face and tell me what an idiot I am, that I should be ashamed, la, la, la. Since we're not at a quiet restaurant where you can put your toes in special places or blink your beautiful eyes at me, or where I can talk you into ordering lobster so that you feel obligated, plus get you a little wine to ease the guilt, it might take a few rounds, but overall that's a tried-and-true technique.

Ace

Now that this thread has achieved its original purpose, I've decided to close it.

I will still respond to the remaining requests.

If you want to discuss this thread, I've started another thread for that purpose:

Discuss my (now closed) advice/insult/compliment thread here

Ace

A lol is always good.

I assume you mean you want an insult, since "bringing-on" a compliment would just be, well, dorky. So your alias is dragontigerviper. Is that a dragon with the tail of a tiger, and that hisses like a snake? Awfully cutesy; I guess you are a dork after all. Your profile says you live in PA, which has to be one of the dorkiest, most polluted, ugliest states in the US (except for New Jersey, which is truly the worst). I was born there, too, which would have added to the ugliness, except I had enough skill to escape when I was very young (two weeks old). Your profile also says that you're a "collage student". I didn't know you could study collages. That sounds dorky too. Do you specialize in a particular kind? I've always liked those modern ones with lots of magazine pictures, clippings and vibrant colors.

OMG, someone else from PA. What kind of insanity is this? What's with the green-looking guy in your avatar? He looks like he's about to puke, which is the same way I feel when I look at it. Your profile also lists one of your interests as "My good friend". Between that and the fact that you're from PA, I'm sure that you're a stalker. Does your "friend" even know that you like them? Apparently the restraining orders haven't had much of an effect. My suggestion: just keep taking those little pills that the nice people at the hospital gave you. I'm sure your "urges" will vanish soon. Very soon.

Thanks, I consider anything that's either over 2/10 and that doesn't result in a punch to the face to be wildly successful. That's a relief about the sucking.

My advice: I think most guys go to a blind date with the wrong expectations. The girl won't be gorgeous. She probably won't even be nice to you. You're not going to get laid, much less kissed. Just expect it. But it's OK, because that shouldn't be the real goal of a blind date. Instead, go into it with the idea of trying to make a friend and hopefully have some fun while you're at it. Be nice, compliment them a lot -- compliments for unusual things often go over best; eyes are very cliche, for example. Consider things like their shoes, their jewelry, or their arms. For some reason almost all of the girls I know think they have terrible arms. Keep the compliments honest, though. Ask them questions about themselves and avoid talking about yourself. Actually look them in the eye once in a while (but don't stare). Double-blind dates are sometimes a good way to go to make it easier on everyone. Your real goal should very often be to find someone who can introduce you to others. Even the ugly and mean girls have friends and families. Maybe she has a hot sister, or cousin, or a kinky mother. Or maybe she has lots of friends at school and can invite you to parties. Weddings are a great place to meet girls, for example (always listen for weddings, and do whatever you can to swing an invitation). Be sure to keep in mind that girls love to talk to each other when you're not there. She's almost guaranteed to tell her friends how it went. If you were a jerk, word will get around, and you'll be screwed (not in a good way). Likewise, if you treat her well, word will get around about that too.