Chilli

whats brown and soggy? second hand toilet role! do ya get it?

.gokusucks

No.


So, there are two naked statues and for thirty years they've been staring at each other. They can't move, and they just stand there. So, an angel comes and tells them that they can move for one half hour because of they're patience. So, the two statues go into the bushes and for 15 minutes there's a lot of trashing and some noise. So, they come out and the angel tells them they still have 15 more minutes, and that they could do it again. The male staute asks the female one if they'd like to do it again. The female statued says "Sure, but this time you hold the pidgeon down and I s**t on it's head."

Chilli

president Bush got caught with his d!£% in between 2 biscuits. He later admitted he woz f*kin crackers! (think about it)

Blazequest

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

.Future_Trunks

i have one...

ok there is a small ant inside the bathroom crying..do you know why ?


well because there is another ant outside the bathroom turning off and on the lights ...


wasn't that funny..

Crayne

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

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Blazequest

Ok I got these jokes from today's The Batman Episode I must warn you they are lame.

I man walks into a bar and says "ow." (Think about it. It is funny when you get it.)
Here is another.

A man goes to see his doctor.

Doctor: I have bad news and terrible news.

Man: Well what is the bad news?

Doctor: Well you only have 24 hours to live

Man: What! That's horrible but what could be worse than death.

Doctor: Well I've been trying to contact you since yesturday!

Beautiful Illusion

I'm sure I've posted this joke somewhere else on the forum, but it seems more relevant here...I guess...

Raditz's mother has just given birth to Raditz

Doctor: *looks at Raditz* err...congradulations...you have given birth to a beautiful baby...uhh...hedgehog?

__________________
^ Pyro on my mother.

.Raging Bull

I've got loads of jokes, here's some of my favourites:

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
15 students raise their hands.
“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
Three students raise their hands.
“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.
One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished.
He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”
The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6
children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her
first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles.

A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her
husband's description. "Mother of six," he would say, "Get me a
beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?"

This type of situation persisted to a boiling point.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly
yelled out, "Hey mother of six, I think it's time to go!"

The wife seized the moment and shouted back, "I'll be right with
you -- father of four!"

I've got tons of others but I can't be bothered to write any more!

Fred

lol heres 2

Yo mamas so stupid she went out into a street corner and started giving out patato chips yelling "free lays!"

5 Products that could consider a name change:

1: OLAY! Daily Facial

2: Beddy Crockers home made brownies

3: Aunt Jemima's home made liquid syrup

4: Huggies Extra Stretch

5: Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Service

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.Mag

whats the Capital of England... E!!! LOL! Nah jus kidding

Why did the girls take a pencil to bed

To draw the curtains

How do you get an Etiopian into a taxi,
Put a tin of beans on the seat

How do you get him out?
Run past with a tin opener!

Fred

How do you find the entire mexican population?

Roll a penny down Mexico Main Street.

Who is the richest Mexican?

Who ever picked up the penny.

(Now im not racist. Im just sharing stuff i think is funny, i think these jokes are wrong but everyone admits they're funny)

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Vivi

Three men are dieing of thirst. They walk into a church and ask the preacher if he will spare some holy water, he say not unless you do something bad. The next day they come back.

Man#1: I robbed a bank!
Preacher: Go get some holy water.
Man#2: I killed my wife.
Preacher: Go get some holy water.

The last man stood there and snickered. The preacher looked up and said "Did you commit a crime?" The man answered yes. The preacher then asked what he did. He said "I pissed in the holy water.

Why did the condom cross the road? It got pissed off.

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Fred

Three men are in a bar. They are all snaping there fingers and looking nervous.

A lady asks the first man: Why are you snaping your fingers and looking so nervous?

Man: I got a hot date and I can't wait.

She asks the second man: Why are you snaping your fingers and looking so nervous?

Man: Cuz i got a hot date and I just can't wait.

She walks to the third man and says: Why are you snaping your fingers and looking so nervous? Is it because you have a hot date and you just can't wait?

Man: No, I have a booger on my finger and I can't get it off.

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.nitro_04

a cute little girl walks into a pet shop, she is small, got long blonde hair and big blue eyes, she goes up to the counter where the shopkeeper is and say can i av a wabbit please, the man decides to play along abit and he says do you want a wuvly wikle wabbit and the little girl say i dunno me pyfon doesnt give a f*ck

A man goes into a confession box and the father says to him what sin have you commited today, man say well im married and i got together with anouther women, we stripped off but we just rubbed i didnt actually have sex just bodys together abit
the father say rubbing is the same as putting it in now go, dont do it again and put £50 in the poor box
the man walks out and over to the poor box he rubs the top of the box back and forth about 5 times and starts to walk away the father saw him put nothing in and gets out of the confession box and says exscuse me but i saw that you didnt put anything in
and the man say, but you said rubbing is the the same as putting it in