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07-28-2004
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Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,249
Rep Power: 200
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Things to Ponder Upon
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Did adam and eve have belly-buttons? Do cartoon characters have nipples? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Do they have american fries in France? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? Do you know who came up with the word "butterfly"? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins? How could you go fishing if you don't want to open that can of worms? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot...and something cold, cold? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How does the VCR clock work anyway? How many times do you use a disposable razor? How was the order of the alphabet determined? If 7-11 is open 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan? If our knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superman is so clever, why does he wear his underwear on the outside? If taught, do gorillas really understand sign language? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? If you have 24 odds and ends on a table, and 23 fall off, what do you have left, an odd or an end? If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? If you tied a buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a great height, what will happen? If your in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn the headlights on? Is grass really greener on the other side? Is it dangerous to masturbate on an electric blanket? Is it possible to be totally partial? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? Were Gilligan and Skipper Fags? Or were Ginger and Mary Ann Dikes? What causes holes in Swiss cheese? What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? What was the best thing before sliced bread? What's another word for thesaurus? When a crash-test-dummy hits his head, and no engineers record the results, does he make a sound? When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible? When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? When does a blind man know he is finished wiping his butt? When it rains, the sky is completely covered in clouds. How does the rain get through? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? When they finish making styro-foam what do they package it in? When two airplanes have a near miss, isn't that a collision? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? Where can you buy those little plastic ends to put on your shoe laces? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all? Where do swear words come from? Where does the lost sock in the washers and dryers go? Why and how did your grandpa walk uphill both ways through 32 feet of snow butt naked to get to school? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there. Why are the toilet flush handles on the left side? Why are there floatation device under plane seats, instead of parachutes? Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? Why do firehouses have Dalmatians? Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why do they call it "a pair of pants"? Why do they call it a hot water heater? Does hot water need heating? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Why do they call it toilet paper, when it's clearly designed for use someplace else first? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in the rain? Is it not gonna get wet if you raise them? Why do you need a drivers licence to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive. Why does sour cream have a use-by date? Why does the doorbell ring just after you've stepped out of the shower? Why does the phone always ring when you're on the toilet? Why does unscented hairspray smell? Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast? Why don't we get goosebumps on our faces? Why is 40% called 80 proof? Why is a black light not black? Why is an orange an orange and an apple not a red? Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? Why is it called a TOOTH brush when you brush all of your teeth? Why is it called football when you really don't use your feet at all? Why is it that international magazines that advertise products will have the same description of something in different languages, but the desription of each language is written in english? Who's that supposed to benefit? Why is it that no matter how tall you are or where you're standing, if you're washing your hands, and the water splashes you, it always looks like you've pissed yourself? Why is it that when they show a computer ad they show computers and when they show a car ad they show cars but when they show a condom ad they show people playing tennis? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo? Why is it that when your toast falls on the floor, it always falls with the side that has butter to the ground? Why is it that when You're driving and looking for an address, You turn down the volume of the radio? Is it gonna make you hear better? Why is it that you see this written on car seat belts: ? This seat belt does not offer any protection if it is not buckled up?(or something like that).(Really!!!!). Why is the word abbreviation so long? Why is there always one in every crowd? If you took all the ones in every crowd and put them in another crowd, will there be one in that crowd? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream? Why is yawning contagious? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why when you throw up does it go everywhere but in the toilet? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? You know how most well labelled packages say "Open Here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open Somewhere Else"? You know that little indrestructable black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
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