TheWorldsStrongest

This is a meet from many anime and even some characters that i made
up.This starts in DBZ in the hyperbolic Time Chamber With Goku And Vegeta Using Their New Transformations.
Chapter 1:TheWarriors "Common Vegeta!You have to master it!"Goku Told Vegeta As He Was Powering up
"I WILL NOT LOSE TO KAKAROT"Vegeta Said As he finaly Turned SuperSaiyan5.
"Good Now lets Start"Goku Said As the Too Transformed SS5
...
As where Naruto and Sasuke Where they both were doing there ultimate moves Chidori and Rasengan at Full power
"SASUKE YOU WON'T WIN"Naruto yelled
"Ha I've Heard That before"Sasuke said with a smile.
...
Now Two new fighters where training in a world that no one except the 10 gods That are extremley powerful.
"RAH MAXIMUM DRAGON ROAR"King Foxano Yelled as he fired the Powerful Blast.
"AJISTU"Dagarra(My friend made up his name while he had no idea it had garra in it)yelled as he fired the most powerful move ever in Existance.
...
However in a dark world Someone Was Watching Them With interest.
"Hmm.Strange warriors.I want to make this more interesting...I know I'll
combine the warriors and see if they can beat me.I'll chose that world as the home.The Mysterious Person said as he pointed to the galaxy of Naruto and sasuke."HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA THIS WILL BE FUN.Now....Dark Stormius Combine!."The Mysterious person said as he cast the spell.
What Will happen next who is the strange person and will he do what he said he would?Find out in the next Chapter!

RandomPenguin

ok this could prove intresting i am going to rate it at a 1/10 being in a good mood.

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TheWorldsStrongest

If i get good comments i'll keep it up

RandomPenguin

good here is my comment you need to improve both length, description and grammer that looks like it was thought up and written by a 8 year old kid who had just discovered the internet and had proceeded to join the first forum he felt would be fun to terrorize with bad grammer.

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Eliwood21

You need to put ALOT more work on the personalities of the character. Hell, you NEED personalities in the characters. =/

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RandomPenguin

i agree with that... try harder mate...

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Eliwood21

Also give the character some frickin' physical features, attire, etc. >_>

Don't leave it up to the audience.

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RandomPenguin

for me they are all running round in pink togas

oh and actually introduce you'r OC's i don't know what they are at all so im going to go with they resemble mice but are actually smaller then ants...

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Eliwood21

Man, I feel like I am back in the frickin' 9th grade with all this advising. >_>

ADD. BACKGROUNDS.

For all we know, they are all right beside each other in this chapter.

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RandomPenguin

now it's my turn why did you bold chidori and rasengan as well as fun?

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SSJJason

Hey .....i had the same problem with my fic. Trust me this is a good comment actully
a suggestion. Dont squish it up so much....trust me you'll get better comments.

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PSN : Fizzykid49.


YO ' Momma so fat she make a sumo like skinny!
Stufu noob. or face Tha ' Guru!

Saint Dean

Too little, need more description. Also you need to go into the plot a bit more.
For instance, how did these anime character end up in the same place?