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| Fanworks Library A place for all things creative; feel free to share your stories and poetry, create a text based RPG of your own or go head to head in a battle featuring your favorite characters. The forum that has everything. |
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08-19-2005
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#16 (permalink) |
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(18) Artificial Human
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 904
Rep Power: 4
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Joot's Raps/Poems
Awsome, plain awesome. Great, spectacular.
U have a nice flow of words. Nice! 9.7/10 I write short-short poems. U can find them on my blog, but nothing can comprehend to that. Real nice work. |
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08-21-2005
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#21 (permalink) |
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(10) Saiyan Elite
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 152
Rep Power: 4
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Joot's Raps/Poems
Your rhymes are way too elementary. I mean look at the last words on your second poem.
kid did hid forbid did grid skid bid mid kid slid is kid sit did hit shin this pissed it is… s**t, this… kids did fit… intelligent within within my skin it again… That's just unacceptable. Not only did you rhyme most of the same words over and over, and not only are most of them 3 letter words, you also ended every line with the same sound throughout the entire verse. That's a big no-no. Try rhyming bigger words together. And change it up the sound every few lines to make it less boring. Don't forget that metaphors, similes, and mutli-syllable rhymes are your friend, not your enemy. |
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08-21-2005
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#22 (permalink) |
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(20) Super Saiyan 2
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Joot's Raps/Poems
O_O, what the f**k???!!!
Oh... kay? Yeah, It's not suppose to be like a rap, and I did the same sound rhyme throughout the whole thing purposelly, Pt. 2 will be a rhyming of a different sound. And can you rap? I can't critize on something you don't do, so let's see yo rap. Then we'll see. |
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08-21-2005
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#24 (permalink) |
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(10) Saiyan Elite
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 152
Rep Power: 4
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Joot's Raps/Poems
QUOTE(Jay Joot @ Aug 20 2005, 04:10 PM)
O_O, what the f**k???!!! Oh... kay? Yeah, It's not suppose to be like a rap, and I did the same sound rhyme throughout the whole thing purposelly, Pt. 2 will be a rhyming of a different sound. And can you rap? I can't critize on something you don't do, so let's see yo rap. Then we'll see. [snapback]433176[/snapback] I used to...I have a couple books filled with rhymes from cover to cover, but I dont listen to much rap anymore so I'm never motivated to write these days. I can still do it though, we can go verse for verse if you wanna set somethin up, just lemme know... |
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08-21-2005
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#27 (permalink) |
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(10) Saiyan Elite
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 152
Rep Power: 4
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Joot's Raps/Poems
I try and use a variety of styles. Here's some examples from a text album I made about 4 or 5 months ago.
Some Punchlines I’m the verbal reenactment of the life of Carl Johnson I give sucker emcees their Death With like Charles Bronson I aint from Compton, I aint Game, not on Change of Heart These tricks want my cash? Look here’s some change to start Call me conceited or cocky, on the verge of being arrogant ‘Cause I’m the type to bone my landlord for a reduce in rent f**k her on the bed; throw her down to the carpet Then tell her, “Aight b***h now go fix my leaky faucet” Slick enough to pimp Farah Fawcett back in the ‘70’s Then smoke so much kill that I look like I’m Lebanese Your career’s got no longevity; you rely heavily on your chorus I could drive around in a Taurus, and still go pick up Norah Jones, as long as the b***h don’t attempt to sing ‘Cause I’ll fall asleep at the wheel, drive off the bridge and sink Swim back to the surface, on the sidewalk jackin’ old ladies purses Shovin’ fake emcees in the back of black hearses Back-to-back verses, I don’t even need a hook The bomb just stopped tickin…naw, made you look I’m the bomb, my flow is bitchin’ Spend more time in the kitchen servin’ up base heads Servin up more crack than the Reagan administration I’ll serve you on Playstation; I’ll kill you at Madden, boy Take the controller and smash your face in, what you mad at boy? You’re not as bad as me, but don’t be mad at me I’ll throw you off a balcony; oh it’s a tragedy I watch CSI, learn to leave no evidence My game’s so tight, I’ll tell the FBI “Ya’ll irrelevant” I rep the 5 elements, I pop trunk like an elephant You try fuckin with my cash; I’ll give your head a dent I’m an ignant asshole that’s hotter than Tabasco Get high off a joint and increase it with some Tobacco Ya’ll on that peanut butter s**t, cut crust of ya sandwich Think I’ll waste my ends on a girl? Guess again, fat b***h I should be in gymnastics, ‘cause I keep weight on beams Just wait you’ll see that I’m the last great emcee No secret, I got no love for these fake actors When I hook ‘em up with weed, they always want it fatter That’s when I show ‘em “How To Rob” like 50 Cent and Mad Rapper My bullets scatter, you wanna f**k b***h? I’m flattered You can’t hold me down, stop talking ‘fore you get battered These emcee’s skills are 2nd rate, like Progressive Insurancy They’re so broke they don’t even know the US Currency These haters shiver when I enter Ya’ll want beef? That’s like Woody Allen stepping to Yul Brenner I’m smokin’ nuggets, ya’ll are smoking on twigs, see You say I aint hot, you must be blinder than Clayton Bigsby I’m a Mercenary, looking for every card in the deck f**k the writing on the wall if it aint a check Some storytelling Ran up to the door, right hook, s**t it’s Plexiglas Broke my right hand, jumped off the steps with my Mexican ass Left hook to the bedroom window, glass everywhere Climbed in the house, child’s room, I ain’t stealin teddy bears Grabbed a trash bag, opened the fridge, threw in some frozen foods DVD Players, everything till there’s no more room Found some earrings, watches, threw em in my pocket Walked out the front door, shut it and locked it Holdin the bag while my hands are bleeding and throbbin Holes in my shoes, toes poking out my socks then s**t, here come the jakes!! This bag is slowin me down Ditched it, ran to the creek under the bridge, now I’m underground Shoes got no tracking, slipped on some rocks Runnin through the water, socks are soggy I’m runnin from the cops Back up to the street, I’m cutting through some alleys Thought I lost em…oh s**t!!! They found me Over the fence, lungs exploding, my calves are burning Through the yard under clotheslines, the pit bulls must’ve heard me Snapped their chains, hot breath I can feel it on my ankles Pulled out the buck knife, turned around and shanked them Bite marks on my arm, s**t I might have rabies Mouth foamin, swallowin saliva, barkin at some old lady City aint fix the sidewalks, tripped over a crack, jeez Knee’s busted, blood leakin through my khakis Damn, now I hear the sirens and they’re getting closer I could give my self up, instead I pulled out the toaster!!! Some "concious rap" As I sit down at my desk with a pen and some paper I think about dreams of getting higher than a skyscraper I think about God, will I ever meet my maker? I think about a woman getting pregnant ‘cause her father raped her When I stare out my window I see a dog chase a cat I see predators, I see leaves growing back I see a big fucking cycle; every day’s a routine Women trying to get men to buy them the finer things Diamond rings, all this s**t is way too predictable I see two cards crash; wonder if it’s fixable Not the vehicles, the man’s credit, all his s**t is ruined I see Narcs beings spotted for not speaking slang fluent I walk outside just for a breath of fresh air I see men collecting cans, they can’t afford cab fare I walk and see my homies, give em daps, not hugs I see a squad car suspecting us of slanging drugs I look up at the sky, all I see is rain I just wanna die, ‘cause all I feel is pain I feel cold, from the people and from the weather I feel a cold Beretta tucked under my sweatshirt I hate this world, I feel like an alien I hate my father; I know he’ll betray me again I hear voices in my head, telling me to stay street I hear music in my head; it’s time to change beats I taste alcohol on my tongue, just to cover up I taste anger on my tongue from always fucking up I smelled weed smoke in the air; yeah I got that good stuff Now I smell s**t in the air, that’s what this world is made of I run from the police, hopping fences as I pass I run from the laws like I run from my past I hide from the cops, I hide from my fear I hide my emotions and my conscience, I just don’t care I pray for my safety, I pray for my life I pray for my enemies, they know I’ll catch them slipping tonight I make my way back home, put away my chrome I make myself a sandwich, I feel so alone I take two hits to ease the pain, I hop in the shower I take two sleeping pills; I hope I sleep for two hours I turn on my TV, I feel even more sad I turn my gun off safety to get the things that I don’t have I see an unfinished paper, I forgot what it was I take two more hits to catch another buzz I sit back down, pick up the pen and collect my thoughts I think, see, walk, look, feel, hear, I make Hip-Hop And when my pen hits the paper… …Aww s**t!!! More braggadociousness I get expensive clothes, I spit expensive flows Get extensive dough and split expensive hoes Roll spliffs of expensive dro…what, ya’ll aint know? I sit in the expensive ‘Rolls and sip expensive Mo’ I write for G’s, not actors Emcees and scrappers that breathe the rapture Of these gems I manufacture It’s magic, when I grip the mic It’s just right, I’m that nice, verbally slice your windpipe I bet on games, on the table I’m slammin’ a 50 But I ain’t gone over my limit like Ken Caminiti Overdoses, broken homes, this world’s atrocious That’s why I stay in my world living so braggadocios More Guns than Roses, less friends, more foes’s I’ll split their head open like the Red Sea was by Moses He’s best, he’s worst, your opinions…know what they worth? About as much as Canada is to the rest of the Earth Since birth, I’ve been destined to do some big thangs I’m like a broken vending machine, I only get, I never give change I’m fuckin’ Halle Barry but that ain’t no dinner thang Just ‘cause I tilt my hat don’t mean I’m in an inner city gang I got enough game to give Wilt Cham’ lessons of females The kid stay blessin’ tracks with superior lyrical details Whoa…let it be known I don’t give a f**k about the rules Come through with them shiny things, that’ll lighten up your jewels (figure that one out) Whatever game you speak, save…you weak In the middle of the winter, I gave you heat Blunted Supervillian, suited and caped up Got my knuckles taped up, ready to throw down Knock you out, wake up with your kicks missin’ like Charlie Brown I got a mean shoe game, keep at least two dames Hog at least two lanes like young Sweet James It’s MINE, the world in the palm of my hand Understand I’m a hustler, I’d bet it all for a measly hundred grand I learned from Clerks, titles do NOT determine actions For what it’s worth, you f**k with my title And your world will start collapsin’ Yep...thats my most recent stuff...not trying to brag but I could probably get signed if that was my ambition, but I've lost faith in the hip-hop industry and it's not something I wanna get myself into. |
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08-21-2005
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#28 (permalink) |
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(20) Super Saiyan 2
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Joot's Raps/Poems
I just made it up...
Random S**t… Damn, I’m mad, Gyarikku made me look bad, His flows are really rad, No lie about that I’m gonna keep my rep intact, As a matter of a fact, I’m gonna come right back, With my own verbal attack Lyrics hit you so hard, you get fucking Whiplash, Me compared to other MC’s, they all bags of trash Touch me the wrong way, I’m gonna kick your ass Now let’s see who gets the last laugh I speak about random s**t, Prostitutes getting random dicks, French kiss and shallow random spit; I see a girl and automatically call her b***h, she gets mad, I get confused, I ask, “This is the truth isn’t it?” Now I don’t need a beat, I don’t need writer, People addicted to my s**t like I was the Pied Piper, It’s all natural because I’m a West Coast Resider, I don’t care if it’s a word or not, If a b***h got a problem; I will fight her Don’t wanna look like a chump it my own topic, But I ain’t got no verbal beef Gyarikku, so let’s stop it, Pretend it never happened so we can just drop it, And if you wanna continue, get your eyes knocked outta they sockets, Pick them shits up, put them in your pocket, cause I’m in a rocking chair and I really wanna rock it, Sorry about the eyeball s**t dawg, just knock it Because it's my show: I'm Andy Milonakis (LMAO) I think this is long enough, but I’ve only just begun, Dick so long, make all my girls cum, Cause me trouble, nigga you better run, Because I might just turn around and pull a gun Are there any MC’s stupid enough to go against me? I’ll leave you looking stupid like Monica Lewinsky, Beat your ass so bad so hard have you reminiscing, In your thoughts, you’ll be thinking, “Why’d he have to diss me?” Well I’m about done, I’m coming to a close, but before I leave, there’s one thing you all should know, All of this s**t is 100% my flows, I made them up, this is the truth being told, And if you don’t think so, maybe I’ll have to show, but until then, this is Joot and I really have to go, “Peace!” |
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