|Cross-Over| Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! - Page 2

~~Dark Skywalker~~ · 02-20-2008

yea i guess

~~JC#1~~ · 02-20-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Skywalker

yea i guess

Should I go ahead and make them show up here in the next chapter or should I build anticipation first?

~~Dark Skywalker~~ · 02-20-2008

anticipation would work with a little foreshadowing too

ultra_blade · 02-21-2008

Yup that was a fun chapter, LoL at Sakura she's soooo weak!=D Anyways I agree with Dark Skywalker.

~~JC#1~~ · 02-21-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultra_blade

Yup that was a fun chapter, LoL at Sakura she's soooo weak!=D Anyways I agree with Dark Skywalker.

Nah, she's pretty strong compared to most humans. You haven't even seen her fight yet and you say she's weak? Shame on you!lol

~~Dark Skywalker~~ · 02-22-2008

continue the story..........................

ultra_blade · 02-22-2008

Dark give him a break, I mean I'd rather wait a week and get to read a well written story than 1 day and read a not so well written story.

~~JC#1~~ · 03-16-2008

Hey, I'm starting up my fics again.

chapter 3: The Akatsuki's secret jutsu! Vegeta and Trunks fight for their lives!

The smoke from Trunks' blast dissapeared, but no one was there! The same then happened to Vegeta.

"Wha-? Trunks, be carefull. I know they're still alive. The wierd thing is though, their power levels seem to be equal to the average human! Yet they are able to fight with people as strong as us!" Vegeta informed.

"I know...But I sense...Something else...Like they aren't getting their power from ki energy, but something else," Trunks replied. Suddenly he felt something strike th back of his neck. He fell forward but regained control and got back up.

"I doon't believe I properly introduced myself. I am Kisame, your destroyer," thre akatsuki behind Trunks introduced himself.

"And I am Itachi," a voice said from out of nowhere as Trunks noticed his father was suddenly screaming in pain for no appearant reason. In Vegeta's eyes, the planet Vegeta was being destroyed right infront of him.

"It was a meteor...Planet Vegeta was destroyed by a meteor...You are the only known survivor right now..." A voice said in Veegeta's head.

"NNNNNNNNNOOO!!! SSSTTOP IIIIIIIIIIIIITTT!!!!" Vegeta cried out in pain as tears dripped down his face.

"Hm-hmm," Itachi's voice said as Trunks noticed Vegeta and Itachi were staring directly into eachother's eyes. Trunks' gaze accidentilly wondered into Itachi's eyes, and he saw his father in Majin form, fighting Buu. Suddenly, Trunks was a child again, and he couldn't control his actions. He ran to his father, who he and Goten thought were dead.

"Do you think he's...?" Goten asked.

"NO! Do you know what my mopther told me about him? She said he was a prince! That's right, a prince! And princes don't die!" he replied. Then his father was awake, and hugging his child. Then Trunks was unconscious, both in his dream, and in real life as he fell to the snow padded ground.

"HA! The new jutsu worked! Kisame, your idea was brilliant! I can't believe you figured out how to instantly transpot yourself to any area in a heart beat, and to project my mongekyo sharingon so that it doesn't show what I tell it to, but what my opponent's worse memory is!" Itachi complimented.

"Hhhhmmmm...It isn't often you use such exclamation in your words Itachi...You must be very excited...Excited that your transformation jutsu worked for so long...SAKURA HARUNO!" Kisame revealed.

Oh no! I've been caught! Sakura thought to herself as she transformed back.

"You must not know as much about Itachi as you thought you did," Kisame mocked.

Sorry if this is too short, see ya next time!

Baylavim · 03-16-2008

Wow! This is the first Naruto-Dragonball crossover I've ever seen!

~~JC#1~~ · 03-16-2008

Rlly? Do you like it?

Kurushimi · 03-16-2008

*sighs*. You think you would've learned by now. He was being sarcastic.

If you want a constructive opinion I say you need more description. Take your time when writing these chapters. It pays off in the end.

~~JC#1~~ · 03-17-2008

how am I supposed to know when people are typing sarcasm? I've never seen a Naruto DBZ crossover before. BTW, it took me a few hours to write that last chapter. Based on that ratio, how much time do you think I should take on the next one?

Kurushimi · 03-17-2008

When you write you should stop, take a break, and read it again later. Think on things such as

-Where are they? What does the terrain look like?

-What are your characters doing. Be descriptive. It's one thing to say "He punched him" and a completely different thing to say "He pulled back his fist and threw it forward with incredible force" (still not the best line, but it's better.)

- How are your characters feeling? Again be descriptive

- Also, when you're doing fanfictions based off somone else's work, you should make sure you display the character's personality accurately.

One more thing. In the words of my english teacher "There's no good writing, only good re-writing." Keeping editing until it's the best it'll ever be.

~~Dark Skywalker~~ · 03-17-2008

Keep it going

~~JC#1~~ · 03-17-2008

Hey DS! Man you don't know how glad I am to see that you're reading this now! Kurushimi, I'll try that for the next chapter and editing the other ones, but isn't Ultra Blade supposed to be hear correcting these? lol, jk. Be back in a few mins to write the next chapter, I'm just checking on my other fics first.
edit= so appearantly no one's replied to "how dbz was expected to end" and I guess I'll start up my other fics again after this chapter, but I'll post it after I'm sure someone's not posting at the same time as I'm editing.

02-20-2008	#16 (permalink)
~~Dark Skywalker~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York Chillin Like A villain Posts: 1,504 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! yea i guess

02-20-2008	#18 (permalink)
~~Dark Skywalker~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York Chillin Like A villain Posts: 1,504 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! anticipation would work with a little foreshadowing too

02-21-2008	#19 (permalink)
ultra_blade (11) Student of Lord Kaio Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 171 Rep Power: 1	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Yup that was a fun chapter, LoL at Sakura she's soooo weak!=D Anyways I agree with Dark Skywalker.

02-22-2008	#21 (permalink)
~~Dark Skywalker~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York Chillin Like A villain Posts: 1,504 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! continue the story..........................

02-22-2008	#22 (permalink)
ultra_blade (11) Student of Lord Kaio Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 171 Rep Power: 1	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Dark give him a break, I mean I'd rather wait a week and get to read a well written story than 1 day and read a not so well written story.

03-16-2008	#23 (permalink)
~~JC#1~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,806 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Hey, I'm starting up my fics again. chapter 3: The Akatsuki's secret jutsu! Vegeta and Trunks fight for their lives! The smoke from Trunks' blast dissapeared, but no one was there! The same then happened to Vegeta. "Wha-? Trunks, be carefull. I know they're still alive. The wierd thing is though, their power levels seem to be equal to the average human! Yet they are able to fight with people as strong as us!" Vegeta informed. "I know...But I sense...Something else...Like they aren't getting their power from ki energy, but something else," Trunks replied. Suddenly he felt something strike th back of his neck. He fell forward but regained control and got back up. "I doon't believe I properly introduced myself. I am Kisame, your destroyer," thre akatsuki behind Trunks introduced himself. "And I am Itachi," a voice said from out of nowhere as Trunks noticed his father was suddenly screaming in pain for no appearant reason. In Vegeta's eyes, the planet Vegeta was being destroyed right infront of him. "It was a meteor...Planet Vegeta was destroyed by a meteor...You are the only known survivor right now..." A voice said in Veegeta's head. "NNNNNNNNNOOO!!! SSSTTOP IIIIIIIIIIIIITTT!!!!" Vegeta cried out in pain as tears dripped down his face. "Hm-hmm," Itachi's voice said as Trunks noticed Vegeta and Itachi were staring directly into eachother's eyes. Trunks' gaze accidentilly wondered into Itachi's eyes, and he saw his father in Majin form, fighting Buu. Suddenly, Trunks was a child again, and he couldn't control his actions. He ran to his father, who he and Goten thought were dead. "Do you think he's...?" Goten asked. "NO! Do you know what my mopther told me about him? She said he was a prince! That's right, a prince! And princes don't die!" he replied. Then his father was awake, and hugging his child. Then Trunks was unconscious, both in his dream, and in real life as he fell to the snow padded ground. "HA! The new jutsu worked! Kisame, your idea was brilliant! I can't believe you figured out how to instantly transpot yourself to any area in a heart beat, and to project my mongekyo sharingon so that it doesn't show what I tell it to, but what my opponent's worse memory is!" Itachi complimented. "Hhhhmmmm...It isn't often you use such exclamation in your words Itachi...You must be very excited...Excited that your transformation jutsu worked for so long...SAKURA HARUNO!" Kisame revealed. Oh no! I've been caught! Sakura thought to herself as she transformed back. "You must not know as much about Itachi as you thought you did," Kisame mocked. Sorry if this is too short, see ya next time!

03-16-2008	#25 (permalink)
~~JC#1~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,806 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Rlly? Do you like it?

03-16-2008	#26 (permalink)
Kurushimi Naruto Ranked (22) Yonbi Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Realizing everyone you know someday will die. And that you will meet up with them in heaven. Posts: 2,236 Rep Power: 93	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! sighs. You think you would've learned by now. He was being sarcastic. If you want a constructive opinion I say you need more description. Take your time when writing these chapters. It pays off in the end. __________________ ~ xkcd

03-17-2008	#27 (permalink)
~~JC#1~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,806 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! how am I supposed to know when people are typing sarcasm? I've never seen a Naruto DBZ crossover before. BTW, it took me a few hours to write that last chapter. Based on that ratio, how much time do you think I should take on the next one?

03-17-2008	#28 (permalink)
Kurushimi Naruto Ranked (22) Yonbi Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Realizing everyone you know someday will die. And that you will meet up with them in heaven. Posts: 2,236 Rep Power: 93	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! When you write you should stop, take a break, and read it again later. Think on things such as -Where are they? What does the terrain look like? -What are your characters doing. Be descriptive. It's one thing to say "He punched him" and a completely different thing to say "He pulled back his fist and threw it forward with incredible force" (still not the best line, but it's better.) - How are your characters feeling? Again be descriptive - Also, when you're doing fanfictions based off somone else's work, you should make sure you display the character's personality accurately. One more thing. In the words of my english teacher "There's no good writing, only good re-writing." Keeping editing until it's the best it'll ever be. __________________ ~ xkcd

03-17-2008	#29 (permalink)
~~Dark Skywalker~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York Chillin Like A villain Posts: 1,504 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Keep it going

03-17-2008	#30 (permalink)
~~JC#1~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,806 Rep Power: 0	Re: Worlds collide!Naruto meets Dragonballz! Hey DS! Man you don't know how glad I am to see that you're reading this now! Kurushimi, I'll try that for the next chapter and editing the other ones, but isn't Ultra Blade supposed to be hear correcting these? lol, jk. Be back in a few mins to write the next chapter, I'm just checking on my other fics first. edit= so appearantly no one's replied to "how dbz was expected to end" and I guess I'll start up my other fics again after this chapter, but I'll post it after I'm sure someone's not posting at the same time as I'm editing.