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Originally Posted by Nikushimi Greatest literary masterpiece I have ever read in my life, srsly. This sodomizes the shit out of Atlas Shrugged and Tom Sawyer and all that would-be novel shit. The sheer brilliance and exquisite nature of this piece are unparallelled both in their multi-dimensional connectivity and their deep involvement in socio-political triumphs and failures, examining both humanity's conscience and its veracious piety in the face of adverse circumstances. You, sir, are a visionary. I'm favoritting this page, because this fic is so fucking made of epic win. ... Naw, this is like Failure to Launch meets Talladega Nights. While I don't like to be harsh on fellow writers, there comes a time in every person's life when they must say "OH SHIT, MY EYES". I'm afraid this is that time for me. The fic is...Ben10-based? 'K, I can't even say anything about that without going into a whole rant all its own. I'll just say a different theme would be better for any semi-serious piece of writing. Second, the large text all bunched together is a big "no"- use paragraphs, size the text down, and try to separate dialogue from description. Description is another thing. Use more of it. There are just bits and pieces of details thrown in haphazardly. Try using more, longer sentences, with a more varied choice of words. Also try thinking out a plot to fit the story that doesn't consist of general noob cliches like "ONE DAY...OMFG, BURORI COMES!!! HE'S A FUCKING SUUPAA-SAIYA-JIN 3!!! EARTH'S DEFENDERS MUST FAITO!!!". Also try to make the dialogue flow more naturally, rather than rushed; things need to come out as one would actually say them. Plz improve upon each and every one of these areas, if for no one else, then for yourself. EDIT: Can't believe I forgot this: Spelling and grammar are two big aspects of writing. You need to check both when you write something and make sure there are no mistakes, or at least very few of them.