Originally Posted by ultra_blade

That was good I liked it a lot, for DS: not every chapter should contain a fight or more action and since this is the start of the fan-fic you shouldn't judge it so harshly yet. Even though it was great, your spelling was not that great, you need to spend a bit more time before you post, spell check it and all, read it again make sure it makes sense, then post it. Good work can't wait for next chapter. =]