Island of 1,000 Condiments

Looks like I'll be the first non-Fighter to reply.



Dio: First of all, the description of the setting should be more thorough. I honestly couldn't grasp it. Describe the landscape, climate, background, and so forth. As the author, a painted image of your battlefield is drawn in your mind. You have to redraw that image - Give it to others. Most of your post was information. I want description. In fact, when writing an introduction, divide your post into categories. For example, I used Introduction, Setting, Guidelines, Objectives, etc. Organize your thoughts. The Introduction would include background information such as 'Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?' Setting is a straight-forward description of the 'Where?' sub-category. Everything else, such as Guidelines and Objectives is OoC to give the players an idea of what they should and shouldn't be doing.

Arros: Action but little description. Basically, reread the first 5 sentences I posted for Dio.

Nikushimi: Who is Itachi? Who is Kisame? What is Samehada? Give me a description of who these characters are. Give me some background information. Describe them. Also, describe the landscape around them. Paraphrase Dio's Setting through the eyes of Itachi and / or Kisame. Reread the first 5 sentences I posted for Dio. That's basically what you should improve on. The introduction shuld be impressive. Out of everything in a battle, the introduction or re-introduction of a character should be the most descriptive. Give me all the juicy details, mayn. (Oh, and the dialogue was impressive. Well written.)

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