Originally Posted by ultra_blade

Ey, I just went through it real quick and, yeh I like your story line and all, but i found some thing that disturbed me in your writing



The sentence I just underlined is the one that has one of the major errors that I realized. You should of put it in like this:

What he didn't seem to know was that the chamber actually lead them to a different dimension.

Or something like that, I don't think you should use DBZ universe, and you also spelled universe wrong.[./quote]
If I just said another dimmension it would cause confusion and people wouldn't know that seperate dimmensions are taking place in 1 single universe.

I think every writer agrees in this point with me, I think you should NEVER use short cut words like 2, r, u, etc...



This one has the exact same problem as the one above it, thats it for the mistakes.


Well I really like your stories and the way you put address your story line. I think you did a good job but yeh, we're not all perfect and we always make mistakes. Good Job and I cant wait till the next chapter